Real Reasons We Homeschool

As of late, I have encountered many people who oppose homeschooling. Typically the conversation is one- sided (theirs) and not open to new thoughts (my thoughts). They usually dislike homeschooling based on what they have decided is homeschooling. Also, they usually don't really want to change their understanding.

Rather than have any more unpleasant and frustrating conversations, I have decided to create a list which will be my go-to script for future conversations. And here it is:

The Real Reasons We Homeschool
1. The cafeteria food. We can't be risking childhood obesity and atherosclerosis, now can we?

2. Summer Vacation. It would just be so inconvenient to have to transition back to having the kids home in the summer after the school yearr.

3. Lice. It creeps me out and I figure avoiding school limits the risk.

4. Socialization. Are you aware of how icky most people are? I mean really, all we ever do is complain about each other, so why not just avoid everyone?

5. Vaccination. I love that we are a beacon of supposed immunity in a sea of vulnerable homeschoolers. It's an ego thing and I'm totally ok with it. That's right. I flaunt our antibodies.

6.* I think teaching is a worthless profession and I don't want my children exposed to the likes of teachers. Yup, I homeschool (teach) our kids but think teachers are sub- par.*

7. Fashion/trends. We abhore them. We vastly prefer to spend our days wearing pajamas and slippers. If we feel really fiesty we might don last year's Halloween costume. ( Truly though- it is much cheaper to shop at Goodwill and hang out with other homeschoolers who don't care what we're wearing....ummm, ' cause they're dressed like a witch and a football player, too)

8. No regulations. We really like that we can keep our kids home all day, all year, and never really have to teach them anything. See, we figure if the state doesn't require we educate our children- even though we've decided to keep them with us to do so- then we don't acutually have to do it! Beautiful! We can just hang out with our kids, referee sibling squabbles, feed them all day, respond to "Mooooommmmm" constantly, and never have a moment to ourselves! Why isn't everyone doing this!?

9. Parent Teacher Conferences. I just can't rationalize spending 15 minutes 2-3 times a year doing this when I could do it over dinner every night. What a waste of time!

10. I don't have a '10'. And that is true homeschooler style.... : )

* In any seriousness, if there are any teachers reading this, please see through the cynicism. What I am saying in #6 is that our decision to homeschool our children IS NOT ABOUT YOU, your ability to teach, or whether we value you. We think you're awesome. Please keep blessing the kids in your classroom.